Friday, April 15, 2011

the pessimistic side of me

[As posted last May 21, 2010 on Tumblr]

if you hate negative things, please skip this post. thank you.

i am not losing faith (faith in everything). i think i should start reminding myself this again and again.
this is me spiling about the ugly truth about my current life. i am not complaining about who i am with right now. i am happy i am with my family, we’re all living under one roof and none of us is sick. but then with all the big big changes, one of us might finally get sick and that is me! i should then change the title of this blog to: THE CRAZY ONE—LITERALLY!

i remembered for a few years ago already, i wrote to one of my friends that i might have a trip to some place and that place is a mental facility. during those months (not just days) i was feeling very very low but then one day i came to realize that its just a series of tests for me to be ready for a more challenging but rewarding part of my life and that is my baby coming into my life.

this time, its money MONEY money that’s making my life miserable. as in! well, before anyone reacts to this statement, i know i know that money shouldnt take over anyone’s life but how can anyone live without money in this world during these times?? just like what i mentioned here, being the sole earner in the family/the sole provider, having little or even no money literally really bothers me a lot lot lot! it even makes me cRaZy!

another payday has just passed and i am just so disappointed with what i just saw… how could someone raise a family with a one year old baby with just a few hundreds of pesos… my gawd, good thing is, the next day i found out there was a problem with my records and i’m already making arrangements for that to be corrected and hopefully by next payday, i’ll receive what i worked for. now, i feel a little relieved but then im still wondering how am i going to make ends meet with our current situation, i am praying to God just as i always do, because that’s also what my mother, my family and my friends told me to trust God for he will provide, specially when someone is really really in need. of course, we also have to work on our part for that to happen…

after writing the above, now i feel a lot better. im thankful that there’s always something that we can write on, to release our emotions, and for others to learn on too. thanks tumblr for providing me an environment on airing these things. smile everyone. now that’s me being crazy… sometimes!

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