[As posted last May 22, 2010 on Tumblr]
just as i thought that i am ready, yet i am still not…
november 2008. a month before ipe and i got married (i was 5 months pregnant then), we decided to move out of our parents’ house and got an apartment [in mandaluyong]. everything went well as we were very excited living on our own, did things together freely and without hesitation and knowing that we are building a new family. but on almost every night of these days, with ipe already asleep and maybe already dreaming, i find myself crying. i’ve never felt this way before. even during the time when i tried for the first time to move out of the house and lived with my office mates in one apartment (this was i think around 2006 - 2007), i never cried even for a day because of homesickness neither felt homesickness at all during that time. it was really a new and different feeling for me. my husband would wake up and assure me that everything is going to be fine, then he would hug me. that [feeling] went for almost four months. but then i am very thankful to have him [my husband] by my side. i am also thankful to my family who’s always been there specially during my pregnancy, and to lessen the feeling of being home sick, my husband would offer to bring me to my parent’s house during weekends and my days off then sometimes my sisters and my parents would come to our apartment for movie marathons or even just for lunch or dinner and a little chat.
november 2009. eight months after i gave birth to mia, we already moved to another apartment which this time is very close to my parent’s house (just a few steps away). i am not feeling that feeling now, maybe i may have already adjusted to the fact that i am already married to ipe and a mommy to a beautiful girl named mia. the things that happend after i gave birth also may have contributed / helped to take away that feeling that i felt while i was pregnant and have just moved out of my parent’s house. two or three weeks after i gave birth, we went to jalajala (our [my parents’] permanent home where just right next door is my in law’s house). we [me with ipe and mia] stayed there for two months where i consumed the whole length of my maternity leave and nurtured and enjoyed my being first time mom—once a month we would go and stay in our apartment [mandaluyong] for the vaccination of our baby. when my maternity leave has lapsed, we went back to our apartment and i continued to work. after a few days of being back to work and being back to our apartment, we decided to give up the apartment and i moved to my parent’s house [in quezon city][and because i work in parañaque], then ipe and mia to jalajala [my mom in law took care of mia for a month or two i think][ipe works in angono, rizal that time that’s why he was the one who stayed with mia]. It was so difficult being away with my ipe and mia, and seeing them only during weekends made me very sad and depressed and all that. around august 2009, i then decided to hire a yaya and brought mia with me in quezon city. ipe stayed in jalajala since it’s near his work place than in quezon city. days have passed and this setup seemed to have worked but then after a month or so, we realized that we are just not meant to be away from each other. we had a conflict which almost led to separation. we then talked and agreed to make the marriage work. what’s important now is that we’re okay now and we’re living on our own again of course with mia, our baby. God has always been good to us… despite the pains, the hardships, he’s there to comfort each of us. i thank him for taking away my homesickness and i thank him for making my family together again.